DAY XIII // DEAR WORLD

I am Myra Gale Mara Gavini. 

I am a daughter, sister, wife, and Believer in Jesus.

I became a mother in February of this year, 2016, for the first time. 

I am not the average, "typical" mother.

I am the mother to an angel + heart baby. 

I am the mother to Haven Faith Mara Gavini. 

I lost her on July 22, 2016 due to my late undiagnosed and tragic condition, Incompetent Cervix; which caused me to have her delivered prematurely.

I am 1 in 4 mothers that loses their baby or child to causes such as: miscarriage, SIDS, ectopic or molar pregnancy or other birth defects - in my case, Haven's heart defect.

I am also 1 in 100 mothers diagnosed with Incompetent Cervix. 

I am hurt. Broken. Angry. Envious. In questioning. In so much pain. 

I still don't understand or know why I am the number "1" in the statistic or why things happened the way they did. 

I am still learning.

I am grieving.

I am healing.

I am struggling.  

I am finding strength.  

I have my good days. But,

I also have my really hard, and heavy days too. 

I will never fully recover from Haven's loss.

I will never be the same.

I will forever have a big void and emptiness in my heart that is reserved for her and the life, dreams and plans I thought we were going to have. 

I will never replace her. 

I will never forget her. 

I will remember her. 

I'll celebrate her. 

I will strive to honor her.  

I miss Haven, fiercely.

I wil forever.  

I thought I'd be carrying her in my arms, but until we meet again, I'll always carry her in my heart. 

I am Haven and she is me.

I am Myra Gale Mara Gavini.

I am not the average, "typical" mother.

I don't have my child physically here with me.

I want you to know that though my arms are empty,

I am still a mother. 

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