I am a believer - a Believer in Christ Jesus.
I've always been prayerful, spiritual, emotional, and faithful in God & the promises He has set for my life. I've always believed and still believe that He has a great, big plan for me - a plan and story that isn't about me but all about Him and his glory.
I firmly believe and stand behind the truth in that God knew exactly what he was doing when he thought of, brought to life and knit Haven intricately and perfectly in my womb. I believe He didn't see her earthly imperfections -- her heart defect, as a mistake or accident. I believe He knew what he doing and the legacy her life would be leaving with her dad and I through her "bad heart". I believe He'd always know that she'd be one of his early and youngest angels. I believe she's up there with Jesus in heaven. I believe she's waiting for her daddy and I. I believe she's happy, healthy and oh so healed - conditions she wouldn't have been had she stayed on earth. I believe that God not just wanted her so soon, but that He needed her. I believe with my whole heart that she's dancing and singing and being the biggest social butterfly up there.
As painful and crippling it is to never know my first and only child physically and on this side of Heaven, I trust that she is in the best and most beautiful place possible. I believe that I will see her again. I will be able to sing, hold, carry, feed and live with her in all the ways I didn't get too here on earth. I believe our reunion will be such a sight to see - joyous, so sweet, and filled love + with rivers of tears of happiness. I cannot wait for this day. I believe that Haven's life + my loss has beautifully prepared me and makes me so excited and eager for Heaven one day; an excitement nor reality that I've ever dwelled on or dreamt of that much before.
My faith in my Lord and his goodness has strengthened; and it remains unwavering, despite the circumstance I was given. I trust, hope, believe and will continue to serve Him. And I know that there will be days where questioning my faith and beliefs will arise, but I'll keep striving and seeking in prayer for the Lord to step in and aid me where I am weak and so desperate for Him to step in and just work.
"And if not, He is still good."