DAY XX // GRATITUDE

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Through the pain and heartache that is still so very fresh and brand new for us, I have never had difficulty feeling grateful or know that gratitude is still something that is so present and evident through our stormiest of storms -- because it is so close and never seems to leave either Paul and I. If you've been texting, sending messages, asking either Paul and I in person how we are and if we need anything, praying or loving on us and our Haven from afar -- we love You and are so grateful for you, your energy, time, and love. 

Thank you for helping us heal, grieving with us, and for being present. 

These are some of the things that I am grateful for through this season in my life:

  • a new day whenever I see the sun and its' playful rays stream through my bedroom shutters
  • the light, warmth, and peace I instantly feel when I open up the windows in Havey's room
  • my sister -- and all the love, humor, grace, laughter, and time she exerts naturally on making me feel love daily, reminding Paul and I that we are not alone, and that she is very much on her own grieving journey as an aunt
  • the motherly comfort and love I am so blessed to receive from my own mama
  • for you reading this and saying Haven's name quietly or out loud to yourself
  • the love and support we receive from our family 
  • for this path that I am on, even if I don't understand it 
  • my beliefs, my faith and my God and how He is always near me and unfailing
  • the loss and grieving community + family for never letting me feel alone
  • the noise that surrounds me, as the silence can very much easily pull me back
  • the rain and sunshine that keeps Haven's site alive and full
  • for all 5 of my pups that all easily sense my loneliness and sadness; they all climb into my lap and comfort me. They remind me that I am not alone. They all make me a happy pup-mama.
  • for the pain and the beauty that follows after it 
  • for my motherhood -- the best gift and sweetest calling in my life. Thank you for this, Haven.
  • the flickering candle lights because they make me believe that Havey is dancing up there
  • for all the kicks, pains, nausea, and cravings -- each time, I would do it again and again
  • the coke, bananas, Del Taco, and chocolate; they help bring me back memories when I want to remember
  • for the beautiful, best 26 weeks and 1 day of my life -- because I spent them all with You
  • for the thickest, fullest head of black hair I've ever seen 
  • the 10 cutest fingers and 10 tiniest toes I've ever touched
  • the prettiest, natural eyebrow archs, long eye lashes, and thick set of lips
  • for her memory and for all the those that remember her and her legacy with me 
  • for all the courage and inspiration she's given me and continues to give me 
  • the heart tugs to pursue other passions for my life that I've pushed aside in the past 
  • for the signs that are clearly and evidently Haven and her presence 
  • for the love and peace that guide me everyday towards the right direction
  • for the love and peace that have still yet to fill my heart and life in the years to come
  • the Holy Spirit and the God that I serve 

I am most grateful for Haven, the most beautiful gift I've ever received and the woman and mother I am because of her.