What I did and how I spent today is so fitting for today's theme of, "Give away your love". Carly asks the Capture Your Grief community to take part in acts of kindness today and to spread/ share kindness wherever we go and in whatever we do.  

Well, today I was an Assistant Coordinator to my first wedding. (Insert Myra's weird happy dance here). When I say first wedding, I don't mean the first wedding I've ever attended or been a part of but the first ever wedding I've ever helped coordinate. (Insert happy dance number two here again). 

In January of this year, I made one of my 2016 new year resolutions to be -- to pursue and take that tiny step towards my creative side. If you don't already know this about me -- I love, love, love planning -- anything and everything, all of it. 

I was always that one nerdy girl in all my school years (until college) that was excited and eager to purchase my new planner/ assignment book for the new year. In my adult life, even with using a calendar on my phone, I also needed to have a physical one as I like to turn pages, highlight, scribble notes and doodle as well. When it came to planning and decorating/ DIYing for my parents 25th wedding anniversary two years ago, my creative fire was just getting started. In addition, I absolutely loved my own wedding planning process and seasons (for both civil + church). Excited and constantly refreshing my email inbox to hear what our "day-of coordinator", Sarah wanted me to do next or email her with -- I was always ready. Even before she asked me for certain documents, I had already made them on my own. 

This small fire has grown over the years with helping, planning, and preparing for my sister's own wedding planning (civic + church), family events and holiday parties, creating table spreads and simply just going out to the store to play/ DIY my own floral arrangements. So I decided that this year would be the year I'd take that small step towards this direction in my life and I chose to do so with Rekindle Creative. I interviewed for an internship with the talented, lovely Julia Kim of Rekindle late January this year and got the position. 

The following month (February), I found out I was pregnant and all of the hustle and bustle of life just seemed to push my creative curiosity and step towards it in my life, off to the side. My nursing work schedule also never matched Julia's needs and her events/ weddings. I was saddened by this but still kept this resolution in the back of my mind confidently thinking I'd somehow/ somewhere make it work later on down the road of this 2016 year. Julia and I collided again in May as I wanted her to help Paul and I create what was supposed to be our gender neutral baby shower bash in early September (1 month before Haven's original due date). She made a beautiful event inspiration board for our shower and we slowly began working out all the details and everything. 

When Haven was born in July, I shared the devastating news with her, called off our baby shower planning, and instead of working together for our baby shower, she created beautiful, simple, feminine floral centerpieces for Haven's memorial service dinner instead. I kept one arrangement in our bedroom to dry and remain by my favorite portrait of our dear Haven on our shelving unit. 

A few weeks after I had let myself just be at home, rest, grieve and heal, I decided, with Haven's prompting of course, to reach out to Julia again. She instantly and warmly welcomed me back. For the past month of October, I've helped her create gorgeous floral pieces for weddings and other events, set up the florals at the venue locations and today helped coordinate my first wedding with her company's amazing lead coordinator, Vanessa. 

Such wonders and healing - Julia, her Rekindle team and just me being able to be creative has been on my heart. I am turning my pain into passion. Channeling my daily worry, fear, and anxiety for the future into working with my hands and creating beautiful things instead. 

Today, October 29th, I was assistant coordinator to my first wedding and man was it so fun, joyous, a stretching, learning opportunity, a dream and wonderful way to, 'Give away my love' without even knowing that the theme for the Capture Your Grief's day would have any relation to what my day was going to look like. Together with the Rekindle Team, we helped make sure the newlyweds' wedding day went by smoothly, took care of all the details (even the smallest ones), did the behind the scenes work, carried and lifted lots of things, even did some it barefoot, and most importantly witnessed the wonderful union that God has put together -- a man and his wife. 

I found myself in tears, in love, and feeling so refreshed and happy. Happy that I took part in something so, so special and gave my love away to them today in some way. I also knew that God was working today, as a little white butterfly had been fluttering around me, never going too far, the whole morning and day during set up, before the ceremony had begun. I knew this was Haven somehow cheering me on and letting me know that it's okay to be happy, smile, laugh, and importantly to do something for myself. 

Today was emotional, joyous and bittersweet all at once. One I will never forget. 


Here's a photo of the gorgeous bride, Priscyla on her wedding day. So glad that I was even a tiny part in making her dreams for this day come true.  💕