Havey is a 2 month + 14 day old baby. She is beautiful, brilliant, and incredibly brave. We'd either be home from a successful recovery from her first big heart surgery or still in the NICU doing everything we can to go home -- praying, decorating her room and doing things to help us keep positive and hopeful in the meantime. Our 'would have been life' and situation wouldn't have stopped us from celebrating all the milestones and day to day victories, both big and small. I imagine lots of photo sessions, singing, gaining a new sense of family through the healthcare staff, and constant visitors bearing us love and prayer. It seems that her heart would have paved certain difficulties + limitations to her life. But I like to dream and imagine her in a million ways otherwise.
Today, she is in the butterflies I see daily. In the rays of the sun, the strong breezes in the wind. In the birds flying in the sky, in the flowers when they dance. In the warmth of the light that comes through the windows of her nursery. In the peace that washes over me when I visit her grave and all I want to do is cry. In the love that continually surrounds her daddy and I. In her big pup-brother, Jumper when he climbs into my lap while I think of her and start to get sad. In the arms of her dad when he holds me unexpectedly. In the contentment that calms over me when I begin to start questioning again. Haven is the love inside my heart and the courage + strength I portray on the outside.
She is in me and I in her. She surrounds me and continues to teach me about this life -- all things lovely. She also has a real knack in always revealing herself to her mama in the most beautiful of ways. 👼🏻💕